A WHOLE LOAD OF HARRY POTTER GARBLEDNESS
by All the small things
Summary: Tiny mini fics for your own entertainment! Blueberry pies, skunks, monkey men, nectarines, Busted and randomness, these will warp your fragile little minds! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (Chapter 22 up!)
1. In The Beginning

Aloha Cheese people of metropolis!!!!.erm.yeah. Neway, this is my first fic.well.kinda..I am part of ES-SO-HB.but that's a totally different story. Ok.here we go.warning: mental  
  
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Intro:  
  
Oh, who lives in a pineapple under the sea, HARRY POTTER!  
  
Absorbent and yellow and porous is he HARRY POTTER!  
  
If wizardly non-sense be something you wish HARRY POTTER!  
  
Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish HARRY POTTER!  
  
Ready! HARRY POTTER! HARRY POTTER! HARRY POTTER! HARRY POTTER!  
  
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BUSTED!  
  
"OOOOH!" said Ron looking at the Griffindor notice board.  
  
"What?" said Harry and Hermione coming up behind up.  
  
"There holding auditions for a new Busted member!" He replied excitedly.  
  
"You don't actually listen to that crap do you?" Hermione asked.  
  
"Don't skit!" said Ron "I write their songs." He started jumping round the room with an air guitar.  
  
"I went to the year 3000! And you said no! That's what I go to school for! La-de-da-da-da!"  
  
"I don't get this guy!" said Harry.  
  
"I've got the perfect solution." Said Hermione pulling a frying-pan out from her sock and whacking Ron over the head.  
  
"Squelchy." Said Harry poking Ron's motionless corpse. "I think he's dead!"  
  
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DOWN WITH RON!  
  
It was a quiet day, and the Griffindor's were attending their potions class. Suddenly! For no apparent reason! Snape went mad and gobbled himself up!  
  
"That's your fault Weasly!" yelled Malfoy. "DOWN WITH RON! DOWN WITH RON!" Malfoy started chanting.  
  
Suddenly the entire dungeon joined in and chanted "DOWN WITH RON! DOWN WITH RON!" Just then Albus Dumbledore skipped airily into the classroom.  
  
"Don't hurt my Ronnykins!" he shouted, grabbed Ron and ran full pelt down the corridor.  
  
"What was that about," asked Harry  
  
"Gdemhjvgtloujjfcnjtghki!" yelled Draco waving his arms around.  
  
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OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO! POO! Ok. That was weird. Whilst writing these I was listening to Busted and Spongebob. Say all in favour of nibbling our elbows? *nibble nibble nibble.* REVIEW I TELL U! 


	2. Meep Meep

Whoo Hoo! Chapter 2 Harry potter did a poo - Wow! that rhymes did u review yet? Well do it! *snorts*  
  
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Monkeyman:  
  
Neville was having a restless nights sleep. He rolled over and saw a little Monkeyman squating at the end of his bed. "my god your ugly." it said then jumped out the window.  
  
"uh-huh."said Neville carelessy, but deep down he was hurt. Hurt and scarred for life.  
  
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Japanese tourists:  
  
Snape was taking a shower, when about 236 japanese tourists filed into the room and began taking photographs of him. "EE-AA-UHHUHU!" Snape screamed.  
  
He suddenly slipped on a bar of soap and broke his back. "ouchies." he moaned and the tourists left.  
  
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Frog:  
  
Harry was bored and had decided to take up being a frog. He sat looking glum  
  
In the Griffindor common room, continuously saying, "mmm. my live in Mecca." And getting odd looks from innocent, fragile, bewildered, unsuspecting, stinky first years.  
  
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	3. Some Where between Cansas and London

YO folks! chappie 3 is here! thanx 4 ya reviews! i love you all! *hugs you*  
  
Sheenrox: Thanku sooooooooo much! i could neva cum up with the mole tap dancing without u! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The one where Ron dies:  
  
6th years were going on a field trip to somewhere in southern France. The coach trip lasted 3 hours so Ron decided to start up his fave car song:  
  
"1 man went to mow, went to mow a meadow 1man and his dog woof woof! went to mow a meadow!  
  
2 men went to mow, went to mow a meadow, 2 men, 1 man and his dog woof woof! went to mow a meadow!  
  
3 men went to mow, went to mow a meadow, 3 men, 2 men, 1 man and his dog woof woof! went to mow a meadow..."  
  
2 hours later Ron was still enthusiastically singing:  
  
"1452 men went to mow a meadow, 1452 men, 1451 men, 1451 men, 1450 men-"  
  
At this point Seamus Finnegan was curled up in a ball whimpering, Hermione was silently crying and Draco was rocking backwards and forwards saying repeditily,  
  
"Everything's gonna be all right..." Just then Harry jumped up and screamed,  
  
"aaaoooreeeedahahahaha!!! Will you shut up, shut up, shut uuuuuuuuuuuuup. I can't take it any more! Avadakedava!"  
  
Ron died. Everyone celebrated. Harry spent the rest of the trip doing what Harry's do best. Sticking their heads in blueberry pies and saying, "MMMMMMMMM. Blueberry pie."  
  
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Seamus Finnegan and the deadly cup of tea:  
  
Seamus yawned. He had barley slept because of a terrifying dream where he was being chased by peanuts. He took a swig from his cup of tea which said to him loudly,  
  
"DIE, FINNIGAN CHILD, DIE!" And sucked him into the mug.  
  
"Ak! Help me I'm drowning in a deadly cup of tea!" Thankfully, at the time Jesus was passing and saved Seamus. It was a miracle and the little Finnegan child lived to tell the tale. *wipes tear from eye*  
  
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Teehee! i killed off Ron but do not fret Ronny will return...in ghost form! mwahahaha! So please review, inspire and encourage me 2 write on fellow hobbits!!!! Any one for bingo??? 39! 


	4. Cake Or Death?

Hey'all! neway did u review and if u didn't do it! Now these chapters contain moles and Pokemon cards so there will evidently be a lot of violence that you must not try at home.  
  
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ALBUS DUMBLEDORES ENCOUNTER WITH THE FAT MOLE OF DOOM:  
  
Albus dumbledore was sitting in his office writing a love letter to his one true love who cannot be told to the innocent public at this precise moment in time.  
  
Suddenly a big fat mole jumped through the window and began tapdancing.  
  
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH GOODIES!" said Dumbledore, clapping his hands rhythmically.  
  
"Mwahahahaha I am the mole of doom you idiot! Now you must die a very painful, terrible, sorrowful death!"  
  
Dumbledore almost died painfully, terribly and sorrowfully if it were not for Fawkes who nibbled the moles head off.  
  
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RONS OBSESSION WITH POKEMON CARDS AND JAM: (jelly USA....duh)  
  
"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM" said Ron, spreading jam over his pokemon cards and taking a large bite from one. "MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM." he repeated.  
  
Just then Harry walked in and gasped, "What in the name of blueberry pie is going on here???"  
  
"I'm eating jam with Pokemon cards, what does it look like? You want one?"  
  
"um....OK!" Harry replied, thrilled at the invitation. So the 2 complete weirdos ate pokemon cards lonnnnnnnngggggggggg into the night...  
  
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HARRY'S WRINKLY, 3FT TALL, BALD TWIN:  
  
Harry was sitting in the Gryffindor common room, quietly doing homework when a small wrinkly, 3ft tall, bald man jumped in through the window.  
  
"Hello, Harry!" He said smiling ecstatically.  
  
"Hi!" Harry replied. " I like blueberry pie!"  
  
" Gee! me too! do you know why Harry Potter? Because I am your twin."  
  
Harry fell to his knees and yelled towards the ceiling, "NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"  
  
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TEEHEE!!!! I like windows, windows are my friends!!! Thankyou for your reviews! I love you all! *hugs all of you except the smelly looking hobo*...Plz give me all the support u can! 


	5. Jesus Christ, Super Star!

OK!!!! please check out my new fic witch was written by myself and Sheen Rox. It's called the mentalists guide to the lord of the rings! I think its one of the funniest things we've ever written!  
  
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ALGAL POISINING:  
  
6th years were having their charms class when Harry fell off his seat with a loud thud.  
  
"ARG!" He groaned. "I think I have Algal poisoning."  
  
(don't ask. Algal poisoning is something to do with shellfish...Stop staring! *shrugs n walks out*)  
  
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RON'S RETURN:  
  
Hermione and Harry were doing potions homework in the common room, when Ron's ghost floated through the wall opposite.  
  
"Hey guys................guess who's back?!?!" He said.  
  
Hermione merely shrugged and Harry fell off his seat and screamed, "ARG! I think I have algal poisoning!"  
  
Ghostish Ron pouted and went to play ping-pong with his ghosty friends.  
  
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I WANT THE PINECONE:  
  
It was a fine autumn day and Harry and Hermione and ghosty Ron, stupidly enough, went for a stroll in the forbidden forest.  
  
They suddenly realised they were being chased by a giant monkey called Petey who was going to bite their heads off.  
  
"AAAAAAHHHH! were being chased by a giant monkey called Petey who is going to bite our heads off! RRRRRRRRRRRUN!!!"  
  
They all began running as fast as they could until Ron stopped at a pinecone tree.  
  
"Ron, c'mon we have to keep running!"  
  
"But.........I..........I want the pinecone!!!"  
  
Hermione sighed, "Hurry up then!!"  
  
Ron scrambled up the tree and collected a few well chosen pinecones. " YAY! Pinecones!" He shrieked delightedly. Just then there was a loud CRUNCH!!! Ron had his head bitten off and died for the 2nd time that week by the giant monkey called Petey.  
  
Hermione screamed and turned to flee, leaving Harry to fall over and Yell: "ARG!!! I think I have algal poisoning."  
  
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Woohoo! oohoo, hoo-ooo oooowoo hoowoo! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! yes I am deranged. And if you don't review I will sent the giant monkey called Petey on you.........nobody understands that he's a very nice person!!!! *sobs* 


	6. I Am Super, Thanks For Asking!

Um these will probably be a load of crap 'cause I've had writers block, and even though their crap anyway.. well...um....Just get on with the story...  
  
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HARRY'S DIARY ENTRY 1:  
  
Dear diary,  
  
Today I made friends with a bug. His name is Larry! And we had an arm wrestling contest and I won!!! Yet!!! The smell of victory is pungent!!! *waggles fingers* Or is that just me???  
  
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FRODO BAGGINS???:  
  
It was a quiet day and Gryffindors were having transfiguration.  
  
Just then, Frodo Baggins came cart wheeling into the room singing, " WEEHEE! LOOK AT ME! I'M FRODO BAGGINS!"  
  
"Erm............Frodo, I think you've got the wrong set." Said Harry cautiously to the crazy loon standing in front of him.  
  
"Yeah Hobbit-boy, Lord of the ring's is thatta way!" Said Ron clicking his finger's to the right.  
  
" Oh. Sorry folks!" Said Frodo and left looking embarrassed.  
  
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HARRY'S DIARY ENTRY 2:  
  
Dear diary,  
  
Today I went mental. I was in potions and Snape said I was a good for nothing brainless student with the IQ of a stone. So then I sent my pet butler monkey, Oliver on him. And Oliver .............Oliver killed him, you know with the frying pan.  
  
So Dumbledore sent me to a psychiatrics after school, you know for my rage...and he offered me a tranquilizer, and I thought it was a good idea *laughs*............So I took it.............  
  
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OK, allot of crazy stuff happened there. OK jus cos Ron's a ghost doesn't mean he cant take lessons and do not worry Snape didn't actually die... I just like torturing him! you know with the tourists and the gobbling up...............any way..............keep ya reviews coming! 


	7. Implodes Noisily

Thank every1 for their reviews and would like to dedicate story no. 1 and 2 to Elaine, Lara and Anna who make history lessons so much more fun! The Daily kelp! That's funny Lara! *laughs* ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
RANDOMNESS:  
  
"Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!" said Malfoy as he ate lumps of cheese. Hermione walked past and slapped him over the back of the head, before doing the same to Ron.  
  
"Ouchies!" Said Ron and began to cry. We swivel over to Harry who immediately begins to play the ukulele.  
  
"I am a squid!" Suzy walks in.  
  
"I am feeling rather Random and can't be bothered to think of a main story line for this...." *dies**Ron dies**Snape dies**Dumbledore sings titanic**everyone looks scared**Harry laughs maniacally and sets evil penguins on Dumbledore*  
  
"Der was no need for dat." said Albus as penguins devoured his hat. Gilderoy entered beaming. "I know declare myself as......... The Mole!" Harry looks gormless. Then laughs again. "Mwahahahahahahahahahaha attack penguins, attack!" *Penguins attack*  
  
TEEHEE:  
  
The whole of Hogwarts students were packed tightly into a pointy looking church. The vicar stood at the main alter and bagan to say solemnly:  
  
"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today......... To play with Harrys scarf!" Everyone plays with Harrys scarf. Harry looks scared.  
  
HARRY'S DIARY ENTERY3:  
  
Today has been rather unusual. I was sitting at breakfast reading the daily Teehee when I realised....... I am a monkey. *Grins* Yarg! Sinmad, madman of the six seas............ Feeling hyper......... feeling hyper.......... TeeHee! *laughs manically*  
  
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Ackies!!! I hope you enjoyed. I am feeling Hyper at the mo. And also kinda sick. I should lie down or eat something................... Review! *waves banana* 


	8. VIOLENCE is always the answer!

Ok, please forgive me if these make no sense as I am drinking bud ok?! Yes I did manage to smuggle one out of my mother.......Tee hee!!!!!!!!!!!! Good lord, it's a dog.  
  
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HARRY SELLS HIS SKUNK:  
  
Harry was putting flyers up all around the school that read; Please adopt my skunk. His name is Gary. He is very loveable and enjoys ice skating in his spare time. Please, have a heart! Also, pardon him if he fart's or passes wind, as he is high on cannabis. contact, Harry potter in the Gryffindor common room or: 077992437433  
  
Gary began to cry. "*cries* Don't you love me Harry?"  
  
"No."  
  
THE BEST POTIONS LESSON EVA:  
  
Snape was being his usual freaky natured loserish self and was shouting at people who had got their swelling solution wrong.  
  
"Harry Potter!" He screamed. "This is crappy! Your solution is supposed to be yellow!"  
  
"No," replied Harry pointing to the book. "It's meant to be blue. Which mine is."  
  
"Oh." said Snape looking uncomfortable.  
  
'Must.....fight urge.....to rub it in..........his face......' Thought Harry, straining.  
  
"Well, um, sorry. Good work." Continued Snape, then left.  
  
Harry's thoughts dwelt on; 'Must rub.......something in some....ones face.....!'  
  
He then noticed Neville had fallen into a coma and said, "How's the coma going for ya buddy?"  
  
'Much better!'  
  
LOSERS:  
  
Everyone sat around the Gryffindor common room looking sorry for them selves.  
  
"I'm such a loser." said Ron. "I'm scared of spiders."  
  
Harry continued and said "I'm such a loser, cos Cho won't go out with me any more...."  
  
"I'm a loser too. I failed Kindergarten." Cried Neville.  
  
"Well I am a loser as well!" Carried on Angelina Johnson. "I have dreams about me and Harry getting married, then both turning into cheese.........."  
  
"What about me? I'm a loser cos I adopted Gary......" Said Seamus.  
  
They all agreed that Seamus was the biggest loser, whilst Gary passed wind.  
  
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Oh good god it's school tomorrow.........I'm not gonna be pissed am I? Oh well! hope u enjoyed! Now review please! 


	9. Thumbs Up Everyone, And MEHHEH!

Sorry this took so long..... I was, um, eating cheese! *laughs*  
  
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HARRY AND THE SQUID:  
  
Harry was enjoying his little bath time, playing with a rubber ducky, when a squid rose up in front of him. It was wearing a tophat and a twirling a baton.  
  
"EEKIES!" cried Harry.  
  
"Hello, Harry Potter, I am a squid!"  
  
"Yes I can see that." said Harry.  
  
"But I am also............... your father!"  
  
"No you're not." Harry replied.  
  
The squid began to mope and left crying. "Gee, Harry, that wasn't nice." said ghosty Ron.  
  
"Eekies!"cried Harry again.  
  
BABY PIGEONS:  
  
"Yo Harry, ever seen a baby pigeon before?" asked Dumbledore, questioningly.  
  
"Erm, no actually, have you?" Harry retorted.  
  
Dumbledore considered. "No." He finally decided, but seeing Harry had departed, he turned and cheesily grinned at the audience. "Think about it boys and girls....... have you ever seen a baby pigeon?"  
  
MORE RANDOMNESS:  
  
Lockhart and Filch were having a jolly good game of croquet in the broom closet, when Harry entered with Ron.  
  
" 'Scuse one!" said Ron. "but has anyone seen my bucket?"  
  
At this statement, Lockhart did an odd jig, swinging his arms, left and right whilst singing something about Christmas on the beach of wi-kiki........... don't ask.  
  
"Teehee!" cried Harry, manically. This seemed to annoy Filch, who jumped on Harry's face and began clawing out his eyes.  
  
"Ow my eyesies!" Harry yelped. After that, Harry's eyes were bloodshot for about a week, and Filch felt rather ashamed inside.  
  
"Holy potatoes!"  
  
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Bwahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! I will rule the world, one day, yes precious- I mean hello! Now go review, you, you, monkeys!! I'd like to thank, El, Lara and............TIM BUSHMAN! 


	10. Poisonous Penguins?

How ya doin there? *laughs* Good God these re creepy......yet funny.......yet mangled....yet- oh just read the damn story! There original, snazzy, catchy.....I like em.  
  
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HARRY AND THE STALKER? *STROKES BEARD*:  
  
Harry was attending a normal school Monday, but he had the strange feeling he was being followed.......*strokes beard*  
  
He kept glancing nervously over his shoulder, and once or twice thought he saw a small figure. *strokes beard* When he was lining up for charms, he heard breathing behind him and twirled quickly around. Stood there was the little monkey man.  
  
"Whatsa matter Buddy? Hogwarts not big enough for ya?" He asked. The monkey man began to cry.  
  
"You're so mean!" It sobbed and ran off into the distance. *Strokes beard*  
  
DIET:  
  
Harry and Ron had noticed Hermione was getting a little bit on the chubby side. In fact, she was obese (A/N: HAHAHAHAHA). They decided to talk to her about it. They all sat down and Ron said sweetly,  
  
"Hermione, me and Harry have noticed, well, um,-"  
  
"You should really do something about you obesity!" Harry finished, poking Hermione's flab.  
  
"That's not very ni-ice!" Hermione cried. (Harry had a reputation for doing that)  
  
"Hmmmm." said Ron, "Well maybe you should just try a diet."  
  
"But, But, But........What about the Halloween feast tonight?"  
  
"Sorry Hermione, Please try it!" Ron begged.  
  
"Okay......." Said Hermione doubtingly. Harry leapt up and sang maniacally;  
  
"We did it, we did it, Oh yeah, yeah, yeah! No eating here tonight! No eating here tonight! No eating here tonight, He on a diiiiiiiiiiiiiet!" Everyone looked scared.  
  
THE FRENCH EXCHANGE STUDENT:  
  
Harry sat, gazing at the french exchange student during transfiguration. 'Damn she's fine!' He thought and decided to ask her out. He got up and walked over to her.  
  
"Hey sexy, doing anything tonight?" He asked.  
  
"Hm.........fjt........mnyub......gahrpder." Replied the beaver.  
  
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Tee Hee! 


	11. DIES

Hello.  
  
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HARRY AND THE FIREWORK PROTECTION SCHEME:  
  
Dumbledore had started up his own firework protection scheme that Hermione and Harry were head of. It was pretty Lame. They called an assembly together and told the students about the dangers fireworks cause.  
  
"You see." Hermione said. "This is why you should never play with fireworks." She lit a firework and Harry blew it up in his face.  
  
"WWWWWHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEE!" He cried. Hermione grinned and winked.  
  
"That's right Kids!" Everyone lost the will to live, and blew fireworks up in their faces.  
  
HUH?:  
  
It was an ordinary Wednesday evening and Gryffindor Common room were doing homework. Suddenly a pirate jumped through the window and said,  
  
"Ar! Zats no homework, keed's, zats my own piñata!" He then ran away. Ron grinned.  
  
"Its a Mexican pirate!" Harry and Hermione looked at each other, confused.  
  
"We should really get those windows double glazed. That might stop so many things jumping through." They agreed.  
  
HARRY'S DIARY ENTERY 4:  
  
Today, I saw my psychiatrist again. He said I was improving. That's good right? He gave me more injections. But then I giant penguin came in with mutant teeth and ate him. OH NO! Then I danced. *dances* Hahahahaha, that's not funny.......*dances*  
  
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Yeh, I know they weren't as good as usual. especially the last the one. That sucked. Any way please review. And, um, enjoy life! 


	12. Mmmmmmmmmmm Pie!

TEEHEETEEHEE!!!!!!! Guess who's back. Me!!!! With more garbledness, but first, my thankyou's:  
  
Sheen Rox: Nyoink, nyoink, nyoink! I mean you are loyal and I love you and keep posting and keep reading and keep reviewing and ill keep writing and maybe come to your funeral!   
  
The American Slytherin: Funny isn't it?! Well I made it up, of course it is! HAHAHAHA! I love you dude, Keep with the R&R! Thanx!  
  
Joey: Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou! Enjoy life, read and review sum more and never drink and drive no matter what the beaver says!  
  
Ok here we go:  
  
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HARRY AND THE MONKEY:  
  
Ron yawned at the breakfast table, at looked at Harry. Harry was pouring himself some juice and was singing. He had a monkey on his head.  
  
"Harry!" cried Ron's ghost. "There's a monkey on your head!" Harry began to cry and ran around the great hall screaming,  
  
"GETITOFF, GETITOFF, GETITOFF!"  
  
"Wait," Ron's ghost said. "Hold still." He killed the monkey with extreme prejudice.  
  
FLITWICKS DINOSAUR:  
  
Flitwick entered the great hall and cried: "Students! Prepare to die, along with you sneaks!" He pointed at his colleagues. He whistled and a manic dinosaur sprinted in, snarling ferociously. Too bad it was only, like, 3 cm. Malfoy stood on it.  
  
"Oh, sorry!" He said. "Was that someone's dinosaur?" Everyone laughed. Flitwick cried.  
  
EVEN MORE RANDOMNESS:  
  
Harry and Hermione were playing chess.  
  
"This is soooooooo lame." Harry moaned.  
  
"Harry, you shouldn't say that. Chess and other mind games help develop your brain!" Hermione snapped. Just then Ron's ghost floated through the wall.  
  
"Hey y'all!" Everyone ignored him. He cried and sang, " A b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p....etc" Seamus shook his head.  
  
"That guys got a screw loose....."  
  
"bolognaise and a fgtymtnuftrynk!" Dean agreed. Parvati and Lavender entered. Lavender held an atomic bomb. BOOM. Everyone died. Jerry Springer popped up in the Common room and said  
  
"And now for my final thought- Gahminyu!"  
  
"Mwahahahahahahahaha and fgtymtnuftrynk!" Dean cried, and throttled Jerry Springer. My grandma cried, and brought them all back to life with salamander. AHAHA! Salamanders.  
  
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YAY!!! My Grandma does actually like Jerry Springer. Hmmm. Somebody has to! Any way hope u liked and I'm goin to recommend My M8, Sheen rox's fics cos they rule! Now review people! 


	13. Banana hammocks?

Elaine, IIIIIIIIIIIIIII Hate you. You ninny. Anyway here is chapter thirteen... I think.... Nargles!  
  
Elaine: You rule! You're the best! Thankyou so much for being so amazingly fantastic!  
  
Joey: Hey, Yeah I love em 2! So, Sheen Rox says you wanna marry me.... Sorry short stuff, Already engaged to sum1! But keep r'n'ring, sweetheart!  
  
Sweetangel2592: Oh, thanx for reviewing, glad you, like, peed yourself with laughter! Keep reading!   
  
Anthony: You didn't review did you? Oh well, U r engaged to me and will listen to every damn word I say! Aw I luv ya really, did u know that Steff fancies Grant? No, really!  
  
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NECTARINES:  
  
Harry was sitting in history of magic when Malfoy bounded in.  
  
"Look!" He cried, "A monkey!" Harry looked. Malfoy stole Harry's nectarine.  
  
"You, sir!" Harry retorted, "are nothing but an Aggrivias, Brutalius, Duplicitous, Larcenous Ursine." Malfoy cried.  
  
"Hnhg.....huygfdt....gdeatdn...jgyurgh!" Said Professor Binns angrily.  
  
EVEN MORE RANDOMNESS:  
  
Harry was sitting in his dormitory listening to Hilary Duff when Ron entered. Harry quickly turned off his music.  
  
"Hi Ron!" He said casually. "I wasn't listening to Hilary Duff....."  
  
"Suit yourself Hairy." Answered Ron.  
  
"Don't call me that!" Just then Snape entered.  
  
"Did I hear the name Hilary Duff?" He asked intrigued. He than began dancing and singing. "Cause True love lasts forever, and now where back together...."  
  
"Erm....Snapey......That's Busted....." Harry said.  
  
"But there still mega cool!" Ron added.  
  
"Oh my God...." Said Hermione as she entered. "What Losers....." Every one jumped when the saw Hermione.  
  
"What happened to you?" Harry asked, higher than normal. Hermione was dressed all in black, with a gaunt white face, and had died her black too. She had black crosses around her neck, and black flames up one side of the powdered face. Everyone sniggered.  
  
"She's a *substitute* flipping *substitute* Goth!"  
  
"Shut up, ok? Its my choice, my own!" She left. Everyone laughed again.  
  
HARRY'S DIARY ENTERY5:  
  
Hello everyone, Oh crap I've ran out of pape-  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~  
  
Well that was fun! *Kicks *Substitute* Ali Care *Substitute* in the bleeding head* I. AM. NOT. A. GOTH. GOT. IT? YOU. FUCKING. CHARVE. OH AND HONEY, LOSE THE BURBERRY, IT REALLY SUX. Showed her. If your American, don't ask what a charve is, I tried explaining it to my American mate Dan on holiday. You don't have them in the USA. Now review, sorry, bit of anger management there! 


	14. Hey Mr Cheese Man Give me You Bananas!

Goodies!!!! Chap 14!!!  
  
Elaine: Heellllllllo!!!! U haven't reviewed in a while. Go do it.  
  
Joey: You got beat up by a charve? Why? I bet you started! heh heh heh, Thanx 4 reviewing love... Oh and how old are you? Me n Sheen Rox are trying to get info on you Cos u don't have a bloody account!  
  
Sweetangel2592: Hiya again! Thanks for reviewing once again, yes I am engaged. I'm having a joint wedding with my mate Steff on the 20th of July.  
  
Thorn: Thank yoooooooou!!! Hahahahahahahaha, it is funny isn't it! Hahahahahaha. Any who, Keep R&Ring! Mwa.  
  
*Hugz you all* Love ya!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
SPIDER SENSES:  
  
Harry sat looking miserable, When suddenly he looked up, and sniffed.  
  
"My spider senses are tingling!" He cried and leapt out the window.  
  
"What was that about?" Ron asked, bewildered. Hermione shrugged.  
  
AN OLD FASHIONED PIE EATING CONTEST:  
  
Draco was prancing around the dungeons, imitating Harry. "What ya gonna do Potsey?"  
  
"Grr." Said Ron.  
  
"Ignore him Harry." Hermione said.  
  
"Well," Harry sighed standing up. "I, Harry Potter, challenge you, Draco Malfoy, to an old fashioned Pie eating contest."  
  
"MMMMMMMMMMm Pie!" Says Princess Plankton.  
  
"Very well!" Cried Malfoy. They had an old fashioned pie eating contest. Harry won. Malfoy moped. Hermione and Ron laughed. Crabbe and Goyle sang a duet of Celine Dion. Heh heh heh.  
  
WIBBLE:  
  
Everyone was sitting in the common room when Harry came running down the stairs. He was wearing leggings and held a chipmunk, mashed potatoes, and a ping pong bat. He broke into song.  
  
"Oh I've never plucked a rooster, and I'm not to good at ping pong and I've never thrown my mash potateys up against the wall and-"  
  
"We really need to do something about him." Hermione said to Parvati and Lavender. They rang the hospital.  
  
"Its ok Harry, the men in white coats are coming..." Lavender said soothingly.  
  
"Wibble." Harry wibbled.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Oh no!!!!! you'll just have to wait, until the next chappie 2 see if Harry gets taken to the crazy Hospital. Heh Heh Heh. I'm sooooooooooo evil. And scary, Am I scary? Now review. 


	15. The Reviews chapter

Heya everybody!!!!! This fic is gonna b longer than the others and is gona have lotsa people I know in it! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. 

Anyway………

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THE REVIEW FIC:

Harry sat munching on a banana with Ron and Hermione in the great hall . Just then Steff ran in and stole the banana.

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!" Harry yelled, as princess Plankton entered.

"Geeze Harry, take a chill pill….."

"Hey, that's not your Less than jake hoody!" Said Harry loudly, to PP.

Steff eats the banana. "I don't like bananas…. Wait, Harrys right!"

"Well…. You see the thing about that is……" *PP runs away* Sweetangel2592 comes in. "Whoa. This is like sooooooooooo cool. I cant believe I'm in a ficcy!" She dances. 

"Hmmmm." Steff considers. "I don't know you."

"Yeah well I don't know you."

"Oh well. Would you like some banana?"

Sweetangel2592 looks scared. "No thanks…….." 

Elaine comes in closely followed by Joey, who is on his skate board and Thorn.

"Hahahahahahaha! This rox!" Thorn laughs, whilst Joey pulls a 360.

"Hmm. Whatever." Elaine pulls a frying pan out of her sock and hits Thorn.

"Ow! Hey, you stupid-"

Hermione suddenly stands up. "Wait, wait, wait, hold it right there! What is going on? Explain. I don't like using that word but never mind…."

"Wellllllllll…" Everyone sighs.

"One at a time!"

Elaine and Steff step up.

"Ok. You are fictional characters in a story, and we are real people not In a story."

"And must I add, the Harry Potter films are sooooooooooooooo craply fu-"

"That'll do Steff."

Harry leaps up and begins playing air guitar. Ron kills him.

"Well….. who writes this junk?" Ron carries on.

Sweetangel2592 covers her ears. "Noooooooooooooo!!! Don't say that!!! Ow, my earsies!!!!"

"Big mistake, ginga." Joey picks up his skateboard and hits him over the head.

"Blargingness!

"The person who writes this junk is my, um, supposedly wife to be. Well shes engaged, but, noooooooobody cares!"

Thorn looks around."….hey where is Princess Plankton?"

Steff also looks around. "She'll be around."

Ant and Grant enter. Ant is hoodyless.

"Hey, has anyone seen my less than Jake hoody?"

Elaine and Steff look at eachother. Steff blurts out, "sure Suzy was in here, like, 3 minutes ago wearing-"

Elaine hits her over the head. Suzy enters.

"Hey! You Less than Jake hoody thief!" Ant steals it. Suzy cries. Joey comforts her. Elaine laughs. Sweetangel2592 goes up to Grant.

"You're sweet!"

"You say that, and you die!" Steff says, pointing at Sweetangel2592. "He's my fiancé."

"And he's my fiancé!" Princess Plankton says pointing at Ant. "He steals my bangles!" 

"They were pretty!" Joey leaps at Ant, and tackles him to the floor.

"She's mine!"

Harry staggers up. Ron staggers up. Hermione dies.

Steff breaks up Ant and Joey. "Break it up, Break it up here!"

Harry grins. "Blueberry pie!"

"Pie? I like Pie." States Ant for the 32623438353 time. 

"So we've heard…" Grant sighs, before dancing. Just then everyone notices a pirate is creeping up on Grant.

"Run Grant Run!" Everyone yells.

"This is soooo scary…." Ron says, crying. Grant runs. Thorn laughs. Then implodes noisily. Steff grins. Then grins. Sweetangel2592 attempts to throttle Steff with the excess banana. Then frowns for some unknown reason. Elaine dances. Then dances some more. Joey skateboards. Then steals hermiones monkey. Hermione cries. Suzy sighs. "Crazy punk assed-"

"Well I think its time for a song!" Steff shouts

"YAY!" Shouts Thorn loudly and pulls out drums. Ant, Grant, Joey and Sweetangel2592 play either base, electric or acoustic guitars. Steff, Suzy and Elaine grab a mike. Harry, Ron and Hermione become social outcasts. We  begin to sing loudly:

we are the pirates we don't do anything  
we just stay at home, and lie around  
and if you ask us, to do anything  
we'll just tell you, we don't do anything  
  
well I've never been to Greenland  
and I've never been to Denver  
and I've never buried treasure in ST Louie or ST Paul  
and I've never been to Moscow  
and I've never been to Tampa  
and I've never been to Boston in the fall  
  
we are the pirates we don't do anything  
we just stay at home, and lie around  
and if you ask us, to do anything  
we'll just tell you, we don't do anything  
  
and I've never hoist the main sail  
and I've never swabbed the poop deck  
and I've never veered starboard, cause I've never sailed at all  
and I've never walked the gang plank  
and I've never owned a parrot.  
and I've never been to Boston in the fall  
  
we are the pirates we don't do anything  
we just stay at home, and lie around  
and if you ask us, to do anything  
we'll just tell you, we don't do anything  
  
I've never plucked a rooster  
and I am not too good at ping-pong  
and I've never thrown my mashed potatoes up against the wall  
and I've never kissed a chipmunk,  
and I've never gotten head lice  
and I have never been to Boston in the fall  
  
(pirate captains log 2002  
who be this band relient k  
and why they be so full of contradictions)  
  
we don't know what he did  
but we're down with captain kidd  
we don't wake up before lunch  
but we all eat captain crunch  
we don't smoke, we don't chew  
we watch captain kangaroo  
  
and I've never licked a spark-plug  
and I've never sniffed a stink bug  
and I've never painted Daisies on a big red rubber ball  
and I've never bathed in yogurt  
and I don't look good in leggings  
and I've never been to Boston in the fall  
  
we are the pirates who don't do anything  
we just stay at home, and lie around  
and if you ask us, to do anything  
we'll just tell you, we don't do anything  
  
we are the pirates we don't do anything  
we just stay at home, and lie around  
and if you ask us, to do anything  
we'll just tell you, we don't do anything

Suzy (or Princess Plankton) laughs manically. Harry cheers. Grant grins and says, "I like my shoes…."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well everyone, that's it, hope you liked it! If you have any queries or comments or suggestions or anything, just review. *Winks*  I will have another review fic soon! Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha Pie.


	16. Pooingness

HI everyone!!! Thanx for all your reviews! I'm glad so many of you liked the review chapter, there will be another one coming soon!  
  
Sheen Rox: Ohohohohohohoho! Well here's chapter 16, you, you froggins. Heh heh heh! YOU WILL NEVER BE A PIRATE! Unless I say so. *Says so* Now go be a pirate! I love pointless thankyou's. Meep.  
  
Sweetangel2592: Heh heh heh! Yeah, dancing is fun! Ok, Grant (Spelt Geraint.?) Is my small skater friend. Hmm, not so hot, rather cute. Like a hamster! Elaine is Sheen Rox, Steff is my Steffy pie, or my friend, whatever, and Ant is Grant's friend, my fiancé. Oh and by the way, I accidently on purpose put your chipmunk in the blender. Sorry. Thanks for ya review!  
  
Joey: Helloooooooooooooooo, *dances* "No, this is the stupidest thing you've ever heard, babalablalbalalbaalbala!" Heh heh heh, I love that film! No you didn't win, Steff pulled you apart, remember? Steff is my mentally strange in the head friend. Like me! So, ya got an F in ya Geography gcse did ya? Awwwwww!!! *Comforts you* better luck next time? Loved ya review, cheers! Ps. What do you look like? Yo-yo ninja boy, yo-yo, ninja boy..  
  
Thorn: Heh heh, glad you liked it! Thanks for reviewing! She said I love you, and that's what you are getting yourself into..  
  
Tincat: YAY! You reviewed again! Sorry you weren't in the review chapter, you'll be in the next one though, I promise! Ni niii niigh! Potatoes! Thanks for reviewing, keep reading!  
  
Kandy916: heh heh heh! *Sets Petey on you* Mwahahahahahahahahaha! Thanks for reviewing, and its ALGAL, not angal. *hugs you nonetheless* Thought you may found it funny if I spelt the word monkey lots of different ways: monkey, onmeyk, yeknom, ekyomn, meykon, kenmok, etc *Laughs*  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~  
  
HARRY AND THE MEN IN WHITE COATS:  
  
"Qwerty." Said Harry, as the ambulance drew nearer.  
  
"That's right Harry," Hermione said soothingly.  
  
"Now," Parvati continued, "The men are coming to take you to a nice place."  
  
"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!" Harry screamed, "They're going to turn me into glue!" He ran away flailing his arms madly.  
  
"Damn!" Said Hermione, suddenly turning into Agent Smith. "Foiled Again!"  
  
MORE AND MORE RANDOMNESS:  
  
Ronny's ghost was doing the monkey while listening to Relient K, when Dean and Seamus entered.  
  
"Hey, Ron, have you seen Harry lately?" Dean asked.  
  
"Um... No actually. Have you?"  
  
"HOJAMAFLAB!!" Cried Seamus.  
  
"He's had some Fanta..." Ron nodded solemnly.  
  
"Hey Charles, check it out! This is phat!" Dean frowned and also began to monkey.  
  
"You know," He said, "This has absolutely nothing to do with, like, anything!"  
  
"Neh." Ron shrugged. Suddenly a band of chipmunks jumped into the room wearing Jimmy eat world hoodies.  
  
"hjydsfgdjgfskfhlsdihgkdfhlghs." They said.  
  
MAYBE IT'S MAYBELLINE:  
  
It was history of magic, and Parvati was staring out the window when she saw Harry, who had been taking refuge in the forbidden forest.  
  
"Look!" She yelled, "It's Harry!"  
  
Harry was dancing around with a beaver and two unicorns. "Hehehe!" He cried up at them.  
  
Suddenly, Hermione turned into Agent Smith. "After him!" They leapt out the window.  
  
"DWARFINGNESS!" Harry screeched, running back to take refuge in the forest. "You're all social outcasts!" They heard him scream, as he ran into the distance.  
  
"Damn!" Said Hermione.  
  
"Let me guess." Lavender sighed. "Foiled again?"  
  
"Maybe it's Maybelline!" Said the beaver, lovingly.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Haha! Funnies! Now go review, you gnomes, cos its my way or the highway to hell! Heh heh heh! Fantastical! I was on the train the other day, and an old lady with a beard sat next tome.. strange. REVIEW! 


	17. huguyhtdjeflyi

HI EVERYONE!!! GUESS WHOS BACK?!?!  
  
Sheen Rox: Ohohohohohohohohohohoho!!! Your evil! Post chapter 13, or, or, or, I'll get out the fire crackers! Ohohohohohohoho!  
  
Joey: Hey Sweetie!!! What you been up 2? Thanx 4 reviewing, And don't EVER dye your hair! Mmmmm blondes!  
  
Thorn: *Also sneezes* Ahahahahahahahaha fun! Keep reading and reviewing Thorn!  
  
Sweetangel2592: Heh heh heh! Yes you are still hypery. Glad you reviewed again, sorry this chapter has taken forever but here it is!  
  
Chapter 17:  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I DONT CARE:  
  
Snape was being held captive by evil crows doing the conga dance and force feeding him fluff for some unknown reason some where in Outer Mongolia, so ghosty Ron had been appointed potions master.  
  
"Hello class!" He yelled. "Today, you are going to watch a video on.. oh who cares, whilst I go on drink coffee." The class grumbled as Professor Weasley put on the video and left. Just then Malfoy shot Harry in the head with a gun.  
  
"Ow." Said Harry. "Pretentious Bastard." Then he died. Yes, Harry had returned from his refuging in the forbidden forest, and had been inspired by nature so, decided to let his hair grow long. It looked lame. Just then Professor Weasley came back in.  
  
"OH would you look at that! The smelly hippy with long hair has died."  
  
"That's Harry!" Hermione shrieked.  
  
"Wellllllllllll.......no body cares."  
  
"You know. Harry Potter...???"  
  
"I don't care. Oh the video's finished, just Ummmmm, I don't care... while I drink... more coffee. No one cares." Dumbledore entered and looked around.  
  
"Ronald Weasley, I expected better of you, You're fired!"  
  
"Ah well, I don't care." Then Evil sausages chased them.  
  
PIE:  
  
"Yay! Pie!" Shrieked Ron as Professor Mcgonagall handed out the transfiguration exam papers.  
  
"Hush, Mr Weasley!" McGonagall said.  
  
"Oh you remember the Pie?" Ron continued enthusiastically, "You know, with the Pie, and I was here. And you were there, and there was a Pie."  
  
"Mr Weasley please be quiet!"  
  
"Bwahahahahahahahahaha haha, You will not conquer me!" Ron then jumped into an escape pod headed to Texas. "Yay!"  
  
Harry growled manically.  
  
HARRY'S DIARY ENTERY 6:  
  
Hello everyone! Sorry I didn't write for a while, but the pigeons managed to locate my secret cheese storage. Life in the trenches is.. Oh wait, that's history lessons. Anyway..... My cats breath smells like cat food. I cant feel my face. Why does everything look bbblue!?!?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I am a monkey, I mean HELLLLLLLLO! *pokes you* Now review. 


	18. Blerg!

Hello my angels! Sorry this has taken forever, but I honestly couldn't be bothered. Hmm, I also can't be bothered to put my thanx down so... neh. Onward with chapter... oh who cares. And Elaine would you hurry up posting chapter 3 of the Later years! I'M GONNA KILL YOU, YOU KNOW THAT?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
COURT:  
  
Harry was skipping joyously down the corridor when Crabbe bumped into him.  
  
"Yer beta wash it!" Crabbe growled, "Or I might 'av to turn you into Harry pie. Uhuhuh." (A/N Pie? I like pie.) He laughed. That was the cleverest thing he'd ever said, and someone had been around to hear it.  
  
"Mnamnamnamnamna." Mnamned Harry.  
  
Ron came up beside him and said, "Harry says he's taking you to court." Suddenly they were all in a court room, and Harry was sitting with his defendant, Hermione. Crabbe also has his defendant, Malfoy. Ron was fiddling with his beautiful long white wig. "OOH!" He shrieked in delight.  
  
"I'm judge. Anywaaaaay, Mr. Potter, please give us your account of the story."  
  
Harry stood up and Mnamned, "Mnamnamna, mna mnamnamna mnamn."  
  
"Wellll, yes. Lets move on." Ron grinned cheesily at the camera. "I find Mr. Crabbe.... Guilty! This case is now closed!" He banged his hammer loudly on the desk. "I always wanted to do that!"  
  
"Mnamnamna!" Harry agreed.  
  
ARF:  
  
"Yaysies!" Cried Malfoy, "Were going to the beach!" It was true. He and Goyle were taking a vacation to the beach, leaving Crabbe behind to smoulder in his jail cell.  
  
"Arf!" Goyle said, and began chasing his tail.  
  
"Yeeeeeeea, whatever.." Malfoy said uncertainly. He put his rubber ducky in his pocket and walked out the door, Goyle following.  
  
"Yaysies!" He shrieked again, and ran into the sea. "Arf arf!" Goyle said happily.  
  
After some time, Malfoy decided that after all, the beach wasn't quite his cup of tea.  
  
He began to cry. "My toesies are wet, and I am cold, and Mr. Ducky is being eroded by the sea!" Goyle looked down. Mr. Ducky was indeed being eroded by the sea.  
  
"Arf." He said once more, and gave the audience a roguish wink!  
  
YUP, YOU GUESSED IT, MORE RANDOMNESS:  
  
Seamus Finnigan sat twirling his thumbs. "I am a monkey, I live in monkey land, where monkeys live."  
  
"Yes," Said Dean. "I agree!"  
  
"Wellllllllllll," Said Hermione matter of factly, "You're both wrong. I enjoy eating grass." Just then a smelly old man walked into the room. He had a long grey beard. "Hello!" He said loudly. "My name is Herman!"  
  
"Yes, I agree!" Just then Harry stumbled into the room, wearing a sparkly red dress, and sunglasses. In his hand he carried a banana. "Fabulous news Herman!" He said, very camp. "We won your compensation deal! You'll be going to Jamaica any day now!"  
  
"Goodies!" Herman yelled, jumping for joy. Just then, Snape bulldozed them all.  
  
"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" He gazed around him at the scene of death and corruption. "Whoopsies, this isn't the national society for the protection of helpless, harmless, homeless, hobo clowns." He said. "Sorry folks! My bad!"  
  
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TEEHEE!!! Hope you liked, I know I did! Now review, or I might have to chase you. WITH BIG STICKS! Mwahahahahaha Hahahahahahahahahahahaha... ahem. 


	19. Deary me Jenkins, I do believe were late

Yo-yo folks! How is you? Good good good! Hope you all had a wicked Crimbo! Here's your prezzi! Enjoy!!!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
SINBAD, LEGEND OF THE SEVEN SEAS:  
  
"Yay!" Shrieked Wormtail as the death eaters collected their popcorn, and headed into the cinema. "I can't believe I'm finally seeing Sinbad!"  
  
Everyone ignored him. The film started.  
  
"Oi, Vold! Pass the coke!" Voldemort passed Draco a large bag of cannibas.  
  
"No, the other kind."  
  
"Oh. Sorry, my bad." Voldemort replied, passing the drinks can over.  
  
"Would you both shut up, Sinbad is speaking!" Bellatrix shouted angrily. Luscious grinned.  
  
"You soooo have a crush on him!"  
  
"No I don't. He's a cartoon character, so shut the crap up Malfoy." Luscious began to cry.  
  
"AARRR!" Goyle cried. Everyone stared at him. "What?" He defended himself.  
  
"I wanted to try it!" It wasn't long before they all got chucked out.  
  
THE BOY WHO SQUID:  
  
Harry sat at Grimmauld place, playing a good old game of cluedo with Sirius' ghost and Lupin.  
  
"Lupin, your turn." Sirius said, who was highly bored. Lupin rolled the dice just as Harry began to say,  
  
"There is always smoke to the south! Nooobody cares for the woods anymore, not even the elves nowadays!"  
  
"Shut up Harry." Lupin grunted.  
  
"NEVER!" Was Harry's response. "You will not conquer me! After all, I am... The boy who squid! I mean lived!!! Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!" He strapped on a jetpack and a Barbie mask, then flew high above them, blasting a hole in the roof. "Bwahahahahaha!!"  
  
"That guy's a fuck up." Sirius said. Everyone agreed.  
  
VOLDY'S SQUIRRELS 1:  
  
"That's right my pretties!" Voldemort said, fondling over his pet squirrels, Mr. Giggles and Mr. Wiggles. "That's right..." He placed them in their cage and turned around. There he saw a tree.  
  
"Blah!" Voldy shrieked in terror.  
  
"Hello!" Said the tree. "My name is Treebeard."  
  
"Aren't you the guy from that ringy film?" Voldemort asked.  
  
".........No. I like the taste of French fries though." Treebeard replied.  
  
"Oh. Lets go to McDonalds then!"  
  
"Ok!" The exited.  
  
"Oi Luscious, look after my Squirrels while I go on holiday to McDonalds  
  
"Ok?"  
  
Malfoy did a tap-dance.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
What will happen to Voldy's squirrels!?!? *quivers in excitement* Actually, I know and yoooouuuuuuu, don't. *laughs*  
  
Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!  
  
REVIEW! 


	20. RRRAAAWWWRRRRR

Please don't kill me!!!!!!!!!! My bloody computer brokededed. Hee, hee, but enjoy and please review!  
  
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VOLDY'S SQUIRRELS 2:  
  
"Don't blame me!"  
  
"I blame you."  
  
Luscious coughed. "Geeze Voldy, it's a squirrel for Christ's sake!"  
  
"And you killed him!" Voldy cried. "Oh Mr. Giggles! WHHHHHY?!?!?"  
  
"Sorry Voldy, I didn't know he was allergic to orange smarties." Voldy wept pathetically.  
  
"You wish our places had been exchanged. Don't you? Mine and Mr. Giggles?" Mr. Wiggles spoke up.  
  
"Yes. I do wish that." Voldemort whispered. "Well when I return," Mr. Wiggles said, eyes shining with tears, "Think better of me."  
  
"Well that depends on the manner of your return."  
  
Treebeard stroked his chin. "Hoom! Is it just me or is this conversation F-A-M-I-L-I-A-R?"  
  
Luscious stared at him. "Why d'you do that?" Treebeard shrugged.  
  
WHEELCHAIR FRIENDLY:  
  
"WEEHEE!" Ron cried, pushing Harry as fast as he could down a corridor in his new wheelchair.  
  
"MEH!" Harry yelled, as Ron knocked innocent people and viewers out of the way. "This school is not wheelchair friendly!"  
  
"WEEHEE!"  
  
"Mr. Weasley, Mr. Potter!" Shouted an angry McGonagall. "What is going on? Why are you doing that?"  
  
"Because the writers an idiot." Ron shrugged aimlessly.  
  
"Oh," McGonagall said, "Well, carry on."  
  
They carried on.  
  
A LETTER TO SNAPE:  
  
Dear Severus Snape,  
  
I thank you for you application for Defence against the dark arts job once again, but am sorry to say the only other candidate got the job. He is a pigeon, called Mr. Pigeon and will be working along colleagues as yourself in September.  
  
Signed, Albus Dumbledore.  
  
Ps, you suck Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!  
  
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Lol! I crack myself up.......Hee hee! 


	21. Bwaha! I TOLD YOU!

HELLO EVERYONE!! I AM SO HAPPY! THE F**CKING CHAMPION BABY! Soz, a little over excited, WHOOHOO! *coughs* Ne way Thankyou all, i will start posting my thanx on again, as soon as all my priorities have been ironed out and I brush the racoon of the porch, Thanx!   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
HEH HEH:  
  
"You Bitch!" Snape shrieked, pulling out his pink handbag and slapping Mr. Pigeon around the face. "That was my DADA job!"  
  
"Oooh! Hard-core!" Mr. Pigeon said, mockingly, pulling out his handbag and strapping on stilettos. He also struck his opponent around the head, then kicked Snape in the shins.  
  
"Ah!" Snape squealed. "Slut!"  
  
"Cow!"  
  
"Whore!"  
  
A large crowd had gathered around the pair, including Seamus and Dean.  
  
"This is H-O-T!" Dean said.  
  
Seamus stared at him, quite frankly, terrified and bewildered. "Um, Dean, It's Snape. Hello? You know? Snape!"  
  
Dean growled.  
  
THE BOY WHO SQUID 2:  
  
Harry zoomed across London with his jet pack, and Barbie mask, long hair flowing behind him like a waterfall. *snorts with laughter*  
  
"Whoa, it's superman!" Tonks said following Harry with her eyes.  
  
"Nope." Mundungus corrected her, "That's what we call Harry in a Barbie mask with a jet pack."  
  
"Oh." Tonks said. "I knew that."  
  
HARRY'S DIARY ENTERY 6:  
  
Well hello everyone. And so we meet again. Dreadfully sorry I have not written in, like, ages but I've been rather busy. Dumbledore's got me a new psychiatrist who is sooooo hot, I can't keep my eyes of him! Mm! He's grown up alot. Jesus I need some Prozac.  
  
It's Malfoy. Draco Malfoy. Need Prozac...  
  
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MWAHAHAHAHAHA, What will happen between Harry and Draco??? Hm, Hm, YOU DECIDE. Oh I don't care, I write this its my decision. REVIEW! 


	22. Gibbers

YEEHAH! Hi everyone, how ya doin??????? Enjoy this rather humorous

chapter, that I should charge you to read! I want my money back! Not that I

paid or anything.....

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RON AND THE OLD MAN: 

Ron's ghost was smoking a joint and merrily skipping down the corridor,

when a cupboard door flew open and hit him in the face. "OWWW!" He cried

from the floor. An old man with a long grey beard stepped out. "HERMAN????"

Ron gasped. "WHAT HAPPENED??? Aren't you supposed to be in Jamaica???"

"In my day we didn't have these new fangled contraptions." Herman muttered.

"All we had was one eye.... one eye.... and then I got three eyes... and

now I've got.." 

Ron slowly backed away.

HARRY'S DIARY ENTRY 7:

Oh dear God! I think I'm falling in love with Draco, that hot psychiatrist

of mine! And he's mine. Not yours, or yours, but mine! Jesus I really need

some Prozac right now.

Harry! You shouldn't take Prozac, and how come you never told me you were

gay??? That is soooo typical of you *cries*

Hey, your not supposed to reading my diary Hermione, bitch.

Stop being such a hypocrite Harry, and if you dare try anything on with

Malfoy, I swear I'll go to Dumbledore. 

Geeze, you need Prozac more than me. *runs away from Hermione* 

HARRY'S NEW FRIEND:

One morning, stupidly enough Harry found himself lost in one of the lower

dungeons on his way to potions. "Oooh this is not good." He muttered to

himself, when suddenly there was a voice behind him. 

"HELLOOO! May I help you sir?"

Harry wheeled around to see a skull lying atop a door frame, "Cool! You can

talk!"

"Yes... i guess i can...." Said the skull uncertainly.

"Can i call you Bob?" Harry beamed annoyingly.

"NO!" snapped the skull. "My name is Tomothy, most fearsome skull in the

whole of..... this room."

"You're about as fearsome as a doorstop." Harry commented.

Tomothy looked put down but said, "Yar! Is it a really scary doorstop?"

"No.... You know you'd look great with a melting candle on your head."

Harry replied.

"Guh, humans, there all the same...." Tomothy scoffed. "Fancy a game of

Landmine Larry?"

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Heeheehee, Landmine Larry! ALL HAIL LANDMINE LARRY! AND ME!!! Oh damned scalpers...... REVIEW!


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